Self-Confidence Vs. Self-Worth: Why Does It Matter?
Founder & CEO | Reese Real Estate Team
Why having the "right mindset" is not enough…
Today you are showing a house to a client. You wake up feeling excited and energized because you know that you will get that sale. You know what your client wants, and there is no way she will turn this down. You go to the showing with confidence, and your head is held high.
After work, you plan to grab drinks with a guy you just started talking to online. You are excited, but the nerves kick in a few hours before the date. You keep thinking your last date was a disaster and you begin to question yourself… “Will he like me? How will this turn out?”
Self-doubt kicks in, and you begin overthinking. You become afraid and tell yourself that most likely the date will end up being a disaster, and you don’t have anything to offer and that, most likely, you will never find someone special.
Does this sound familiar to you? Do you often find yourself feeling conflicted inside? Not sure how you can be so confident at work, but someone completely different at home? Are you always second-guessing your decisions and putting yourself down?
That little voice in your head that just won’t stop asking:
Am I good enough? Am I doing the right thing? Am I a good parent? Was that the right decision? Why can’t I find a decent man or woman? What’s wrong with me?
It becomes even more frustrating and overwhelming when you have done work to shift your mindset, and you still find yourself exhausted, filled with self-doubt, and feeling like you should be “doing better.”
As a life transformation coach, I see this kind of inner conflict all the time. Many of my clients come to me extremely self-confident, having achieved success in their career. They seem to have the right mindset and they know they are great at what they do, always striving to be more productive while being better people, good parents, decent and kind neighbors.
But even though it seems like they might have it all, they still struggle to find balance in a highly demanding, fast-paced, and chaotic world. Anxiety, stress, overwhelm, ruminating thoughts, and an inability to set boundaries are all too familiar self-imposed barriers that they create causing confusion, dissatisfaction, second-guessing, and self-doubt.
Why do we have so much confidence in one aspect of our lives and not in the other? In order to answer this question, we must first understand self-confidence and self-worth and how they are different.
As per the Merriam-Webster dictionary, Self-Confidence is defined as: confidence in oneself and one's powers and abilities
Self-confidence is a critical skill that is acquired over time through life experiences and being faced with challenges. Self-confidence can be learned in almost the same way you learn how to read, through repetition and practice. The more you practice, the better you become at something and the more confident you feel.
It sounds pretty good, right? Then, why all the fuss? Why isn't self-confidence enough?
Even in my own life, I spent many years working on self-development and listening to Tony Robbins talk about the “right mindset.” I had achieved status in my career and was a successful immigrant Latina woman, wife, and mother. I prided myself on being a confident person, yet I was still plagued by constant overthinking and self doubt, anxiety, resentment, irritation, anger, and even depression. I was far from being happy. And to make matters worse, I would use food and alcohol to numb the pain.
Merriam-Webster defines self-worth as "a feeling that you are a good person who deserves to be treated with respect."
Self-worth is about who you are, not what you do or what you have achieved.
It’s not a skill that can be learned or practiced like self-confidence.
Self-worth is a state of being and the ability to be at peace within yourself.
Lack of self-worth undermines your ability to see your value and prevents you from truly believing in yourself and from claiming what is yours.
As I continued to work through the inner conflict between my self-confidence and self-worth, it finally became clear to me that having self-confidence does not always correlate to having a healthy sense of self-worth. Until I could truly understand the difference between the two, I had no idea that it wasn’t about having the right mindset, the real issue was about not having enough self-worth.
Through this understanding I was able to make sustainable changes in the way I live and experience life and for many of my clients, it has been critical in their journey of self-discovery and healing.
Danielle Reese, Founder & CEO Reese Real Estate Team
When I started working with my client, Danielle, she described herself as a go-getter, powerful, independent, and strong woman.
She started her real estate business at a very young age, rising quickly in the ranks. She wouldn't take NO for an answer and always went the extra mile to prove herself. She was the poster child for self-confidence.
However, she felt the opposite when it came to her personal relationships. She felt conflicted, little things would trigger her. She had difficulty saying a simple NO without feeling guilty or afraid that she was hurting someone else's feelings.
For Danielle, feeling uncomfortable became normal. She never wanted to “rock the boat” or seem rude by speaking up, so instead she would remain silent.
Realizing her self-worth gave her clarity and the ability to begin speaking up and setting boundaries. According to Danielle,
“Self-worth is being in full acceptance of myself.
Yet, accepting myself does not mean that everything is ok. It means that more work is needed as I begin understanding myself better.
To love and accept myself fully, I really needed to learn about who I am. My likes and dislikes. My hurts, fears, and emotions as an inner GPS and compass for my life. My boundaries - what's acceptable for me and what's not acceptable. My priorities and values.
My limitations, my superpowers, and my abilities.”
“Knowing that I deserve love and respect as much as anybody else - Knowing that I have a voice, and I need to use it to advocate for myself and my needs. The ability to advocate and fulfill my dreams. The ability to speak up from a place of understanding rather than a space of anger.”
By going through my coaching program, Danielle learned that the secret to living a happy and fulfilled life is not by being confident or by overcoming challenges, but in her ability to know her value.
“Self-worth gives you the ability to love and cultivate compassion for yourself and
others. You no longer strive for perfection but instead you accept that you are
constantly changing and evolving, and that mistakes are part of the journey.
The need to prove something to yourself or anyone else is gone.
And most importantly, the knowledge that I have CHOICES.”
Self-worth gives you a sense of humility and the ability to know your powers and accept your limitations without putting yourself down for them.
And just like Danielle, you know that you deserve respect, love, and understanding not because of what you have accomplished but because you are a human being.
“If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, you have already forgotten your value.”
Let’s work together!
Book a discovery session with Yudy today to kickstart your journey to self love and to living the life you deserve.
